We’ve all been busy lately. My life has been completely full between the holidays, kid’s sports, work, family health issues, my own health issues, and everyday life. During all of this, I’ve lost sight of myself. I’ve felt down, sad, depressed, angry and frustrated searching for answers about why I feel this way. Worrying that depression was hitting again and maybe I’ve gone too far into the darkness. But this morning while meditating, a simple thought came to me – I’ve been gone lately, it’s time to find myself again. I am not lost and it’s that simple. That is the answer I was looking for. My soul hasn’t been at peace yearning to find me again. The struggle and the down feelings were because I’ve lost me.
As moms and caretakers, we are taught the idea that our joy doesn’t matter. Society puts so much pressure on us to raise kids that are well-rounded, smart, healthy, eat nutritious foods, drink plenty of water, no sugar, not much screen time, play sports, all around good kids and not a$$holes. While also clothing them, washing said clothes and keeping the house clean and cooking. And creating the perfect holidays for them. What about us? What about my life. In all of that where am I supposed to be me for me? I love my kids more than anything and would die for them, but I also want to live for me.
When the thought – I’ve been gone lately; it’s time to find myself again came to me – my body and mind settled and became more at peace once this came to me. There is nothing wrong with me, I am not losing my mind – I am losing myself in the hustle and fullness of life. I am a stressed and overwhelmed parent, like most, and I need to find what makes me feel like me again. Not mom me – but me. If I don’t, I will lose myself completely in the chaos of life. And as much as my kids deserve the world, I can’t give them the world unless I am truly fulfilled and happy too.
I need to make time for myself – even just a few minutes a day to do what makes my soul happy. Drawing, writing, reading, meditating – things I’ve let slip. My soul yearns for this time and when I am not doing any of these I feel out of sync. I get sad, lazy, depressed, and tired – I am not me. There is so much more to me than just being a mom and when I lose sight of that, I lose sight of me. Getting caught up in the day to day is hard, but the more I can bring myself back it makes life more fulfilling. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids, but there is so much more to me than driving them around and preparing food for them. I am meant for more than that. I am meant to be me, not just mom.
I’ve been gone lately but it’s time to find myself again. Find what starts that spark in my soul so I can feel the peace in my mind and body.